Soooo

I have an idea and I want to implement it.  My idea is this:  I like painting and making stuff and am now making too much for just my house...  but I don't want to stop so I am going to see if I can sell it on.  And out of that money I will support my charities in Guatemala and India.

I would really, really like to do this.  It is creative and fun, which I love, love, love doing and am addicted to.  I think I have an eye for quirky bits of furniture, for colour and texture and I love tarting things up.  Is also part of my ethical thing of reusing and recycling.  I use old clothes to make cushions from, love to crochet, make vases out of jam jars, all sorts really :)  I have started looking for furniture in the paper etc that I can get for cheap and then paint up all nice in my garage :)  Then hopefully I sell the stuff on a website or facebook or etsy, then I am in business!

Only issues are:  I have no idea what I am doing.  I am new to painting up furniture and only know how to do it because I am doing some up for myself.  but my standards are not that high so we shall have to see if anyone will actually buy anything.  I have no idea how to run a business but am confident that it will only be marginally profitable and so tax etc won't be an issue.  I will look into this further, as I say, I am learning on the job.  Eek.

It means I can be home for my kids as a stay at home mum but also have my own hobby that might make me a little bit of money and independence :)  It gives me something to strive for and be proud of outside of cleaning floors and mucky mitts.  It also keeps my hand in with my PhD knowledge, shows initiative and maybe by blogging and through my own involvement in the international charity scene, over time as I go out to my chosen charities and volunteer etc, I could do more research/raise awareness of aid work and behaviour.  I dunno, am generally just going to see what happens.  Exciting!

x N

Hallloooooo!

Oh, my friends, I have been away too long :)

My big child is at school at the moment and my small child (who is two next week) is asleep upstairs, having a lovely nap ALL BY HIMSELF.  I am, wonderfully, surplus to requirements and thought I would write about what a busy bunny I have been of late.

Question one is obviously:  Have you been using your PhD?  The answer is, directly, no.  I still don't have a job though I do look relatively frequently to see what is out there for me to do.  I find some spanking careers but they are full-time positions in London.  Not for me, a mum with two small full-time children who live in the countryside.  Indirectly, of course I have, I use my knowledge every day and share it with my sons.  I am critical and vocal about international aid and the political components of said aid and development.  The current DEC drive to send aid out to Nepal has got my panties all up in a bunch and I think 'what am I DOING here?!  I should be out there, helping and shaping internaional aid, not here being all comfy cosy in my house with my children and the beach down the road!'  But what, friends, can I offer?  I have no aid experience to speak of.  I can pass in two other languages but have never set foot in Nepal, or even northern India.  I am not a teacher, nurse, or medical doctor.  I am not a builder.  I have no stripes to speak of so cannot be a programme manager or director.  Nor would I want to be, knowing what I do about the aid mess after the 2004 tsunami, katrina and haiti.  I am just good for having a fine grumble about how ill thought out it all is.

But then I thought 'Hey! (Because I am American in my thoughts, clearly) Why don't you do international aid in the way you know is ethical?'  And then I thought of what that is, in my mind and experience.  And it is aid that is targeted, not all-encompassing.  It is aid that is initiated, led and distributed thoughtfully and effectively by local people.  I don't expect reports back accounting for the money, I know and trust the recipients.  It is aid that helps in the here and now,  but that is a slow-burner, not a dramatic 'WOOT!  lookit how I spent your money and the results are here already!'  (they weren't though, the results were only in the reports, not so much in actual real life.  And breathe).

I have come across two fabulous local organisations in my time on the PhD, one in Guatemala and one in Tamil Nadu in India.  I trust both implicitly to spend any money they receive wisely and for the benefit of the local people around them - mostly on children and their education.  I would like to send the money somewhere that I would like to go back to and take my children too.  So I shall choose one or both of these organisations to back.

But where shall I get any money to send?!  Well, they don't need much.  Indeed, during my research it was clear that the more money that was floating about the more room there was for laziness and mistakes to abound.  A lady I interviewed said that money ruins humanitarianism.  I am inclined to agree, but that could be a romantic opinion.  So, not much needs to be sent, I am not trying to change the world, just to address the suffering and inequality that is so much a part of it.

And how, pray, shall you gather together this money?  More on that later, my toddler is awake and wants to play!

x N

Ok, less whiny :)

Sorrrrrreeeeeee for the massive whine and rant the other day.  I am still in the same situation but not as ranty about it :)

I am looking for work.  I would like to be a childrens social worker but have no qualifications yet!  Looking at the International Development stuff is really interesting though...  I would actually love to do it.  It is like I have been living abroad speaking a foreign language for so long I had forgotten how comfortable I feel when using my own.  The language of international politics, humanitarianism and development is my language.  However, the jobs are all in London.  Eek!  Maybe I could work away for a bit?  Well, actually, London is good - some of them are in African countries!  I do want to go away and work in developing countries, and take the kids, but not right now when they are so small. 

Anyways. 

I think my baby boy is poorly today.  He is asleep in the buggy at the moment which is something he never does.  I took the opportunity to make us my new version of coq au vin in the slow cooker.  It doesn't have bacon or mushrooms (I don't have any in) but it does have red cabbage and carrots.  And the wine - lots of wine.  I shall cook it all day then serve it up with rustic mash (pots with the skin on!  Lots of butter.  Scrum)

I know what it is about being a SAHM that is so important.  It is being available.  Emotionally, physically, mentally available.  It is about not having to make the decision today about whether to take the youngest to his childminder or not, not knowing whether he was poorly or just tired.  I would let someone down and it would be easier for it to be him than work.  I admire mums who work and bring up a family, I really do.  I just wonder if, if there was a choice, they wouldn't rather be at home.  Or maybe that work was more flexible.

Ho hum.

x N

Self Audit

Ok.  Having been told over the weekend that I am a lazy princess (I said I didn't want to go to work = lazy, and said if I did work I would like a cleaner a couple of hours a week at home = princess) I am self-auditing my days to see how lazy and princess like I really am, compared to being a wage slave.

Yes I am VERY ANGRY about this accusation, which is one every bloody SAHM has to put up with, not just from husbands who think the fridge never needs cleaning because it is always clean (yep, fridge elves), but also other women - ones that work, mostly.  I admire women who work enormously because it is proven time and time again in research that women still do the lions share of household chores, are paid less than their male colleagues, are overlooked for promotion, and are often the first to have to drop work to look after domestic/childcare issues (leading to a lack of consideration for promotion).  This does not an easy life make!  I don't want to be part of this!  But anyway, I shall audit my days because I am interested in what a SAHM does all day anyway :)

*Tuesday

• 7.35:  Get Oldest and Youngest up, cajole in a happy manner down to breakfast.  Make breakfasts, ensure Oldest wiped his bum properly after a poo, washed hands etc, get children to eat breakfast.  I drink a coffee, am knackered after being up with Youngest in the night.

• 8.05:  Get kids upstairs, brush children's teeth.  Dress Oldest because he is tired and scatty and won't do it himself.  Get told am mean for making him undress in the cold.  Get Youngest's nappy changed, cajole him to lie still for a new nappy and to get changed while Oldest teases him with a toy just out of reach.  Tell Oldest to leave Youngest alone, he sulks.  Get Youngest dressed while singing nursery rhymes.  This is all done while feeling frantic but exuding cheery in-control-mumness.

• 8.30:  Get me dressed.  I don't have time to shower, hair scraped back in a greasy bun.  Nice.

• 8.35:  Herd children downstairs, shoes and coats on, Oldest given his schoolbag with forms filled in that came home with him last night, fresh water in his water bottle, reading books in to be returned.  Youngest put in his pushchair.  Hats found, though forgot Oldest's.

• 8.40:  Off to school.  All in good time, should be pleased but still feeling stressed!  Is all ok, the .75 mile walk to school always burns off any stress energy.

• 9.10: back from school, wait for phone call re: counselling session this afternoon, find it is cancelled.  Find wallet to pay for church group we are off to now, leave wallet on bed.  Plug in phone to charge, run downstairs to toddler, pop him in the car.

• 9.30:  at church group.  My new friend whose son plays with my son at school is there.  She is lovely and kind and listens to me whine on about the fact I am underappreciated at home (!).  is very supportive of my complaints and concerned about me going into children's and families as a social worker.  I am concerned to but pretty determined that that's what I want to do.  Youngest has an awesome time even tho this is usually his nap time.  Is kind, sociable and independent.  I chat and almost relax, though obviously I don't because I need to keep an eye on the toddler in case he decides to snatch a toy/climb on the slide and stand up/stop another child from playing with something/throw sand/eat playdough/fall face first down the stairs etc etc.  All without him knowing I am doing this, and in full conversational mode. 

•  11: leave church group.  Youngest is exhausted, time for a nap.  Put him in his bed and feed him to sleep.

•  11.45:  come downstairs, he is finally asleep.  I have to order the weeks food from the Cornish food box company before 12 to make it for this week.  I also need to hang the clothes up from the washing machine asap, DB frets if it is left in there too long.  Do this while computer is starting up to order the shopping.

• 12.39:  Am blogging while Youngest still naps :)  This is time I have taken for ME though I should be looking for jobs...  I will look for jobs now.

Back!

Ok, I couldn't use my laptop for a million gazillion years as my toddler would only go to sleep on me :)  So, no free time.  But now I am back!  he sleeps upstairs and so I can write.

Well, complain today actually.  I am here at my laptop because I am jobhunting.  I would very much like a job but I do really love being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM hereafter) and know that working and being a great, hands-on, available mum are not really as compatible as I would like.  I love being available to my children, god knows that while doing the PhD I was stressed, stressed, stressed.  I resented it when my oldest (then, only) couldn't go to the childminder because he or they were ill, and I couldn't work.  If I missed a slot to work for reasons beyond my control I would be very stressed and worried and just totally unable to relax and enjoy the company of, and meeting the needs of, my child.

Now I have two wonderful children, the oldest of whom is at school now and the youngest is a toddler.  I love that if my oldest needs a day off or is poorly I can see to his needs and keep him off school without question or compromise.  I will not let anyone down.  I love that I can go to school parents meetings and workshops (! yes, they have workshops) without question or compromise.  I have not had to take the day or afternoon off work or let anyone down.  I love that I can be there for my toddler as he learns to walk and talk and explore the world around him.  I love that as he needs reassurance and stability in times of such huge exploration and discovery I am there for him, without question or compromise.  I do not have to stand by, busy doing something else, while someone else provides this - or maybe doesn't - in my absence.

I love that I can do these things because DB earns enough that we can meet the bills and I can be at home, be available, to my family.  I feed us good meals, I clothe the kids in clean, laundered clothes.  I make sure homework is done, school dates are adhered to, deadlines are met. 

But this isn't enough.  I need to work, to help pay those bills, to be respected.  So, as I said, I am jobhunting.  Youngest will go to a childminder, two or three days a week and the oldest will probably need some kind of wraparound care.  I will drop them off at 8am, and pick them up at 6pm.  I will rush Oldest through his homework, grab whatever I can find in a resentful, flustered  hurry for his show and tell that week and become cross that the school is arranging yet another dress-up day.  All the stuff I love and that bonds me and the Oldest together - craft, baking, making clothes for dress-up - will go as time demands that we buy stuff instead.  I know, I know, I am being gloomy about it.  I didn't expect my life to turn out this way, I always just wanted to be a mum while the kids were young.  I would rather have much less money and a small house and be there for my kids.  Living frugally is not a problem for me. 

I am just sad about it.  But, jobhunt I must and so let's get on with it!  Onwards and upwards!  And so begins my journey form the relatively straightforward (if emotionally and physically draining) life of a SAHM to working mum... 

If any working mums have any advice for me, or words of encouragement, please post!  I would love to hear them.  I have yet to hear a single working mum tell me that they enjoy their work/life/family balance.

Laters,
x N

Quickly, while the baby isn't looking...

My dearling nearly one year old boy is busy pulling all his big brother's neatly stacked jigsaws off the shelf and I want to blog...  so I am ignoring (nay, actively encouraging) it.  Ah, he is now climbing me!  Eek.

So for a blog, this one is pretty lame.  I think the idea is that I actually write shizz on it, but I seem to be incapable!  I have so much to say but, funnily enough, neither of my children are interested in trying to let me say it :)  Thank GOD I am not still trying to do my PhD.

This year I am at home looking after said children.  I completely love it and know that it is an easy ride compared to working and looking after your kids at the same time.  But arses it leaves me no room to do anything for me!

Boychild is jealous of the computer!  I have to go :(

x N

Yo

This is my new blog.  I blog often but about stuff, this time I want a kind of diary to just write stuff.  Sometimes I swear, sometimes I am opinionated, sometimes I complain a lot. 

Ok.  My 11mth old boy is trying to literally climb the wall and has got himself stuck.

This, basically, is the essence of my life :)

x Numpty